Subject: Modern day superheroes.
It’s hard being a superhero these days. What with films that reveal our secret identities, and comic books that let the cat out of the bag as to how we gained our powers, it’s no wonder so few of you have ever seen one in real life. Do not be disheartened. There are still some of us going round dressed in our underpants righting wrongs and fighting the eternal war against evil. We dress in spandex that stretches in all the right places, and we emerge from our council flats in the dead of night to patrol the neighbourhood, forever on the lookout for miscreants who do not understand truth, justice and the way of peace – which we dispense with furious blows to the head of anyone who dares object. I must now tell you of one of my own kind – whose powers we can only guestimate, and whose fearlessness we cannot doubt – his name is Batman, and in the following video you may see how he negotiates the slippery path of keeping within the bounds of the law whilst exerting his prodigious derring-do:
I sympathise with my fellow adventurer whole-heartedly. One may observe the calm, gracious manner he displays when interacting with the good officers of the law, and one feels pride that a member of the International League of Superheroes (patent pending, copyright Richard Felstead) upholds the noble ideals of crime fighting with both aplomb and sartorial elegance.
Incidentally, I will be fighting crime by patrolling my own neighbourhood in a clapped-out Lada. Should you see a masked figure in a cape, purple and white underpants, and impressive – though slightly wonky – mask, having broken down in the vicinity of the Greater Manchester area, will you give me a push?